my fever burns me deeper than you’ll ever know

it is ok to feel my emotions.
i’m told.
learn to deal with the feelings as they come.
they’re just feelings.
they can’t hurt me.

except, i don’t know what that means

and they do hurt me.

do normal people feel what i feel and cope ?
or do i experience something different.
it doesn’t seem possible to just sith with these emotions and still be ok.

how do i tell myself i am ok ?
i feel like i am drowning.
when the sandness is so overwhelming that my life is meaningless.
all i can see are days and weeks of sinking further under the tide.

i can stay awake all night
tortured by a sadness tthat is bigger than me

or

i can reach for that shiny blade
and rip it out
let my tears run red.

i want to understand these healthy coping mechanisms
but all i know is blood.

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2 Responses to “my fever burns me deeper than you’ll ever know”

  1. Normal people dont feel what you feel, trust me. But there are many not normal people out there that feel what you feel and make it somehow.

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      i really appreciate you reading and commenting.
      one of these days i’ll find a way to manage these feelings.

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