i hurt myself today

today i sat on my sofa

i calmly spread a towel across my knees

& rested my left arm upon it.

i removed the used,stained blade and slid on its fresh, sterile replacement.

i studied my arm,

selected my spot

just above the crook of my arm

i paused for a moment.

and, then, i made my first cut

no hysteria, no fuss.

just a calculated slice.

stamping my place,

red marks the spot

i continued to cut

slice after slice

until the wound began to gape.

i stopped,

lay down my scalpel

& lit a cigarette.

i smoked as i watched my blood flow down my arm.

and, then, i recommenced.

cut,cut,cut

wound opened wider

yellow globules of fat appeared.

again, i paused,

lit a cigarette,

and observed.

it continued.

i sat calmly on cutting & smoking.

releasing the thoughts i didn’t want to think,

allowing the sadness to soak into that bloodied towel.

today i sat on my sofa.

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One Response to “i hurt myself today”

  1. thank you for your honesty.

    when i’m in situations like that i think “normal people don’t do this. don’t they know that? don’t they know i’m in pain? why doesn’t anyone do something??!!”

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