as time goes by…

i will be 30yrs old next week.

it is terrifying and oh so very sad.

i am incredibly disappointed in myself.

this is not where i expected to be at this stage in my life.

the time is slipping away.

everyone i know has a ring or a baby or house,

grown up things.

i’ve always been the black sheep.

always had to go my own way.

now it really feels like i have fallen behind.

i want a wonderful partner and  a bucket load of children.

i want a quirky house, filled with books and quirky pets.

i picture myself making finger paintings and bathing mucky kids.

taking long walks with our dogs.

watching the man i love read bedtime stories to our children.

i’ll write when the kids are in bed

and spend my days being an earth mother.

i’ve planned the wedding,

picked the names.

i have this aching hole in my life.

when is it my turn ?

where is my happy ending ?

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2 Responses to “as time goes by…”

  1. I can relate to feeling like you’re not where you want to be in life. Admittedly I am younger than you. But I still feel like the one who’s being left behind by my friends. Your happy ending is still possible though. Don’t lose hope.

    Take care,
    Cassie x

  2. J. Elle Says:

    very evocative piece.

    please keep holding on. maybe you can still find something.

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