as time goes by…

i will be 30yrs old next week.

it is terrifying and oh so very sad.

i am incredibly disappointed in myself.

this is not where i expected to be at this stage in my life.

the time is slipping away.

everyone i know has a ring or a baby or house,

grown up things.

i’ve always been the black sheep.

always had to go my own way.

now it really feels like i have fallen behind.

i want a wonderful partner and  a bucket load of children.

i want a quirky house, filled with books and quirky pets.

i picture myself making finger paintings and bathing mucky kids.

taking long walks with our dogs.

watching the man i love read bedtime stories to our children.

i’ll write when the kids are in bed

and spend my days being an earth mother.

i’ve planned the wedding,

picked the names.

i have this aching hole in my life.

when is it my turn ?

where is my happy ending ?