big girls don’t cry…..

i feel fat.

i truely hate my body.

i am disgusted with my physical appearance.

i have lost a lot of weight over the past 2 years.

i was reasonably content with how i looked for a short period.

i suppose i have become more concerned with my weight than is healthy

but i am over weight.

the weight loss has slowed to an almost halt

i am not over eating

i have cut out the all the junk food

but

the blubber won’t budge

the more fat & unattractive i feel

the more i want to hurt myself

i do not like myself

inside or out.

i feel like a failure

i believe i look like a failure too.

i don’t want to over think this

i do not want to develop any more of a food issue ,

but,

i can’t seem to seize control

and

control is everything.

i like feeling hungry

i feel proud of myself

i know i haven’t been weak

i haven’t given in to my gluttonous desires.

if i do submit to my appetite

blood seems a reasonable recourse

it restores the balance

processing these thoughts into words has created cause for concern

Advertisements

One Response to “big girls don’t cry…..”

  1. jenna Says:

    i understand everything you say. which is why it scares me so much. please continue to try and get a handle on the food thing – we are crazy enough, we don’t need to add another layer!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: