rainy days and SUNDAYS always bring me down…..

 

i have never liked sundays.

 

they have always held a certain gloom for me.

 

the advent of my depression has had made them heavier,darker,bleaker.

 

sundays magnify how much i have screwed up my life,

 

whilst most people are preparing for the beginning of the working week

 

i am bracing myself for another week of grey nothingness.

 

i have no clothes to iron,

 

no emails to read,

 

no reason to get to bed early.

 

i have no career.

 

i am fit for nothing.

 

sunday brings it all home.

 

sundays are lazy, cuddly, romantic days.

 

couples lie in

 

have delicious,unrushed morning sex

 

or take cosy walks together

 

buy newspapers to read over sloppy brunches.

 

from this too i am excluded.

 

i spend my sundays alone,

 

feeling lonelier than any other day of the week

 

no one chance of passion or companionship

 

because

 

no one falls in love with crazy

 

sunday underlines this fact.

 

let’s not forget, for else sundays are

 

perhaps their most painful incarnation

 

sundays are the end of the weekend

 

the are the ultimate school night

 

parents must make sure homework is completed

 

uniforms are assembled & ready

 

bags packed

 

lunches prepared

 

children bathed.

 

sunday evening holds the familiar bed time debate

 

it is a domestic day

 

a day that holds no routine for me

 

no logistics organise

 

no rules to enforce

 

to children to kiss goodnight.

 

 

 

sundays remind me of all that i don’t have

 

my mistakes

 

and

 

misfortune

 

vividly played out in all the rituals i do not have to perform.

 

 

i have never liked sundays.

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7 Responses to “rainy days and SUNDAYS always bring me down…..”

  1. Sundays are evil. I utterly loathe them, essentially for the same reasons you’ve outlined – I can totally empathise with how you feel. I don’t agree with your self-criticism – I like you 🙂 – but since I feel the same about myself, I do understand where it comes from.

    *hugs* for you honey, if that’s OK.

    Please take care

    Pan x

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      thanks for reading & commenting.
      i wish i knew why i was so hard on myself or how i could stop doing it. it’s good to know people understand.
      and of course a hug is always ok.
      xx

  2. jenna Says:

    people do fall in love with crazy. it happened to me. i hope it happens for you too soon.

    and for what it’s worth, even when you have someone, and have a routine to get ready for, that picture of the lazy lie morning, and newspapers and brunch and long walks doesn’t exist. i’ve never had a sunday like that, like the commericals and pictures in the furniture store ads. always wanted that, but somehow life gets in the way. i’m still grateful tho, and don’t take what i have for granted.

    love you.

  3. I have a job to go to, and a man to enjoy, but I still hate Sundays. The anxiety building up for the week ahead is unbearable. I tend to sleep almost all day just to avoid thinking about Monday. Saturdays, I like. But Sundays give me the shudders…

  4. sanabituranima Says:

    *hugs*

    Lots of people fall in love with “a crazy”.

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      thank you.
      maybe it;s my bran of crazy tehy don’t like or perhaps they just don’t like me !

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