i hate you so much right now…..

 

i hate that i am fat. shallow, but true.

 

i hate that i let people down.

 

i hate that i can’t find my fluffy white towels.

 

i hate the way i abuse myself.

 

i hate the way i let myself off the hook.

 

i hate that i never manage to get my eyebrows threaded before they look awful.

 

i hate that i am no where near fulfilling my potential.

 

i hate being weak.

 

i hate being ill.

 

i hate that i sometimes lie to avoid the stigma.

 

i hate that i don’t change light bulbs as soon as they go out.

 

i hate that i have not finished writing my book.

 

i hate the my intellectual vanity.

 

i hate being such a disappointment.

 

i hate that i do little to make the world a better place.

 

i hate that i have no savings.

 

i hate the fact that i keep loving the wrong people.

 

i hate being out of control.

 

i hate that i want to cut for no reason.

 

i hate that i get scared and cancel appointments. frequently.

 

i hate that sometimes my little sister has to worry about me.

 

i hate that my peircings keep rejecting.

 

i hate that i haven’t cut.

 

i hate that i am jealous of other people’s happiness.

 

i hate that i get too dizzy to wear any of my beautiful heels.

 

i hate that i feel lonely.

 

i hate listening to the whining in my own head.

 

i hate that i do not have any children.

 

i hate it when people ask me if i have “any of my own”.

 

i hate being the only single person in most rooms.

 

i hate that i hate that.

 

i hate the my nails are too soft and always break.

 

i hate that my breasts sag. a lot.

 

i hate that my internet is so slow.

 

i hate that my windows need washed.

 

i hate that i never want anyone in my flat.

i hate how much of a cop out this list is.

 

i hate that i feel too self conscious to dance freely.

 

i hate that i sometimes take sleeping pills just to escape my life.

 

i hate that everyone makes a big deal about me not being able to drive.

 

i hate that life is passing me by.

 

i hate that i can’t fix everything for the people i love.

 

i hate my scars.

 

i hate that i don’t hate my scars.

 

i hate that i am not the person i want to be.

 

i hate that i am not the person i used to be.

 

i hate that there are not more things on this list.

 

i hate that this list doesn’t even come close to expressing how i really feel about myself.

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4 Responses to “i hate you so much right now…..”

  1. jenna Says:

    i don’t know what you book is about, but maybe you should start thinking about putting these posts together in some sort of book. you capture so perfectly the paradoxes and confliction (is that a word?) of our tortured selves.

    love you.

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      thank you for having faith in my writing. i’m not sure anyone would buy this misery!
      love you

  2. In a funny sort of virtual way, as much as one can in these situations, I love you.

    Xxx

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      what a wonderfukl thing to say. you’ve made me teary. thank you. god bless the internet. i am so glad we “met”.
      xx

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