my heart is soaked in wine….


i found the perfect spot.


 stumbled upon it


i didn’t have to cut very deep




this first vein popped.



a little of fountain of blood appeared


so warm







it soaked through the face cloth i had placed on top of it


in seconds




i just let it bleed.



i stood in my hall




watched the blood run down my arm


splash onto the floor



the flow slowed


i had to cut again


just a little further




another bulging vein



it put up a tad more resistance,




it’s intial spurt was worth the effort


as the blood continued to pour from my body


i felt calm



i watched it pool on the floor


i felt detached


it didn’t seem real




it was



i repeated as needed


i’d found a rich pocket of blood




i mined it



blood soaked my clothes


fell onto my feet


spattered all over the floor


i left blood trails




i moved around the house



i was dazed


removed from the misery




uncertainty i had been feeling



i was amazed at how easy it was


i watched in awe as the blood jet grew


pumped faster


it was the most at peace i had been in such a long time.



the simplicity of it shocked me




scared me a little


i had discovered a tap


i can turn it on whenever i want.



i must have passed out.


i came round on the hall floor


with blood on my face


in my hair



i dressed the wound,


which wasn’t big


and went to bed


i didn’t worry if it would cease




if i would be alright






i do not want to die



when it comes to blood


i don’t know when to stop


i am never sated



i haven’t cleaned the hall floor


i’m not sure if it’s a warning to myself




a trophy.



i’m not sure of very much anymore.


4 Responses to “my heart is soaked in wine….”

  1. jenna Says:

    you are so bruttaly (sp?) honest. thank you for that.

    just remember that next time you may not pass out – you may die. is that a risk you are willing to take for that momentary relief? i do you want to say yes, but please don’t.

    if only it didn’t fucking work! what a sick joke.

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      i know you’re right. i don’t want to die. i’m a bit of of control at the moment.
      i’ve asked to see my psychiatrist to look at changing my meds. thought it was wrth trying.
      thanks for reading & saying what needs to be to be said.
      i love you

  2. Helen Hoskin Says:

    You really know how to take someone there to what you’re going through. Simply be so effectively put. Am loving exploring your poetry

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      thank you. it means so much to me that people like what i write & also that you “get it”. xx

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