my heart is soaked in wine….

 

i found the perfect spot.

 

 stumbled upon it

 

i didn’t have to cut very deep

 

before

 

this first vein popped.

 

 

a little of fountain of blood appeared

 

so warm

 

&

 

comforting.

 

 

it soaked through the face cloth i had placed on top of it

 

in seconds

 

so,

 

i just let it bleed.

 

 

i stood in my hall

 

and

 

watched the blood run down my arm

 

splash onto the floor

 

 

the flow slowed

 

i had to cut again

 

just a little further

 

lay

 

another bulging vein

 

 

it put up a tad more resistance,

 

but

 

it’s intial spurt was worth the effort

 

as the blood continued to pour from my body

 

i felt calm

 

 

i watched it pool on the floor

 

i felt detached

 

it didn’t seem real

 

but

 

it was

 

 

i repeated as needed

 

i’d found a rich pocket of blood

 

and

 

i mined it

 

 

blood soaked my clothes

 

fell onto my feet

 

spattered all over the floor

 

i left blood trails

 

as

 

i moved around the house

 

 

i was dazed

 

removed from the misery

 

and

 

uncertainty i had been feeling

 

 

i was amazed at how easy it was

 

i watched in awe as the blood jet grew

 

pumped faster

 

it was the most at peace i had been in such a long time.

 

 

the simplicity of it shocked me

 

and

 

scared me a little

 

i had discovered a tap

 

i can turn it on whenever i want.

 

 

i must have passed out.

 

i came round on the hall floor

 

with blood on my face

 

in my hair

 

 

i dressed the wound,

 

which wasn’t big

 

and went to bed

 

i didn’t worry if it would cease

 

or

 

if i would be alright

 

and

 

yet

 

i do not want to die

 

 

when it comes to blood

 

i don’t know when to stop

 

i am never sated

 

 

i haven’t cleaned the hall floor

 

i’m not sure if it’s a warning to myself

 

or

 

a trophy.

 

 

i’m not sure of very much anymore.

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4 Responses to “my heart is soaked in wine….”

  1. jenna Says:

    you are so bruttaly (sp?) honest. thank you for that.

    just remember that next time you may not pass out – you may die. is that a risk you are willing to take for that momentary relief? i do you want to say yes, but please don’t.

    if only it didn’t fucking work! what a sick joke.

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      i know you’re right. i don’t want to die. i’m a bit of of control at the moment.
      i’ve asked to see my psychiatrist to look at changing my meds. thought it was wrth trying.
      thanks for reading & saying what needs to be to be said.
      i love you

  2. Helen Hoskin Says:

    You really know how to take someone there to what you’re going through. Simply be so effectively put. Am loving exploring your poetry

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      thank you. it means so much to me that people like what i write & also that you “get it”. xx

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