don’t go chasing waterfalls….

i’m on the verge of something
caught between fear
and
thrill

something happens to your body
when
you watch blood spray from your own arm
and
continue
to
cut

the obvious
your heart beats faster,
your stomach flips
but
also
things you wouldn’t expect

the mouth drys
face flushes hot
toes tingle
your entire body
feels alert

you would think it would be hard
to proceed
but
there is no difficulty.

there is an intial apprehension
a jerk of fear
before realising
that this
is
too
easy

which in turn makes you question yourself
surely a person shouldn’t be able to do this ?
to calmly slice through
skin
flesh
fat
nerves
veins

and now you realise you have made the biggest mistake,
you’ve thought about
what
you
are doing

you can not stop your mind probing further
is this dangerous ?
don’t be dramatic & get on with it
have i gone too far ?
you’ve not gone nearly far enough
what’s in here ?
find out

the ease of the task actually starts to be a concern
where will this stop,
you wonder
will this ever stop
and
do i want it to ?

what is this feeling
balled up in my chest
cheering me on
holding me back
simultanously

which is the real me
the woman, scalpel in hand, searching for another vein
or
the woman who is horrified by her own actions ?

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One Response to “don’t go chasing waterfalls….”

  1. sigh. both. just to try listen more to the horrified one, k? ❤ you.

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