give me hope, help me cope with this heavy load….

i thought i’d know how to do this,
but
i don’t.

grief is not a stranger
loss
not an unfamiliar concept

it turns out
you
can’t
learn this

i feel lost.
i wasn’t ready for this
how can you ever be ready ?

i’m scared i am getting it wrong
i know that doesn’t make sense,
but
when did that ever stop me

i need it to be the way
he
would want it

our relationship was so uncomplicated
it never become muddled
with
crazy

i was always the same person to him
and
he was always what i needed him to be

safe
stable
loving

he was a connection to
everything
good
a life that is almost gone

i can’t articulate
who he was
or
how i will miss him

practise does not make perfect
i do not know how to do this

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One Response to “give me hope, help me cope with this heavy load….”

  1. jenna Says:

    yes, this is one of things that it doesn’t matter if you’ve been there before, it will knock you on your ass every time, send you reeling so everything you thought you knew is somehow, different, you’re not sure which way is up anymore. you just try and feel the ground beneath your feet and take the next step and the next, going on automatic pilot as best you can.
    i am thinking of you so much today – of your whole family. saying goodbye is never easy. i love you.

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