a house is not a home…

i haven’t written a some time.
mostly because i haven’t had anything to say about
the situation i find myself in.

i’m not sure if i can be any more lucid now
but
it feels time to try.

my niece is gone.
it is even harder than i anticipated
my life feels incerdibly empty without her
i
feel
empty

in the big picture
she’s still my reason
but
day to day
my life has no meaning

the way i miss my brother
has taken by surprise.
i knew i’d miss him
but
i didn’t realise that i’d feel i had a missing part
we’ve always been a foursome
two girls
two boys
and, now one of is gone
the eldest piece of our puzzle
is
lost.

it feels wrong

so, i exist between skype calls,
live for their half hour duration
quietly die when she kisses the screen
goodbye

i’m not going to recite the details of my daily decline
it’s tawdry
boring
and
pitiful

it just felt time to
write
something.

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