do you know where you’re going to ?……..

this is my 54th cut free day.
i still have no idea how i feel about it
i know that everyone else is happy
them not having to worry so much is a relief for me
i feel better about myself
i feel less of a burden

other than that
i don’t think i feel anything
not proud
not happy

am i numb ?

i miss it

the blood

and

gore

i worry that i’m losing my ability to cut

it took years to get this “good”

as ridiculous as it sounds

that’s important to me

it has to be extreme

otherwise it doesn’t mean anything

is this recovery ?

why am i so scared ?

why does it feel like i’ve lost myself ?

 

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