i’m longing for your heartbeat…

Dear Baby,
You wouldn’t be a baby anymore. You would be 13 today. It’s hard to imagine the life we would have together now. I think about you, I create little scenarios for each milestone. I ache for every step you haven’t taken. I wonder if I could have been enough for you. As it stands you only have me, but you’ll have me forever.
The strange thing is I didn’t stop being a mother because you didn’t make into this world. I’ve always felt like your mummy & it’s hard to be a mum with no visible child. Sometimes I wish I could tell everyone I meet, I had a boy, not for long, but he’s always with me. I want people to care as much about your short life as I do. I want you to be loved.
Mostly, I need you here. I don’t know how to celebrate your birthday without you. I’ve found it impossible to separate the sadness of losing you from the miracle of creating you. I love you. I’d have done anything to carry you safely to life. I hope you know that.
love always
mum
xx

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5 Responses to “i’m longing for your heartbeat…”

  1. Dawny Says:

    So sad….

    but yes, he knows that …

    xxx

  2. No one understands, unless they have lost a child. I feel for you. I’ve been through it, too. It’s good to express your feelings here. You’ve done it beautifully.
    You’re not alone. Hugs to you..Nana

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      i’m sorry you’ve been through this too. thanks for your support & thanks for reading.xx

  3. jenna Says:

    ❤ i wish i had magic words to make the pain go away. big hugs!!

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