i like it, i like it…..

i got pierced.
that’s how it started.
in Australia, i had a dermal piercing just below my collar bone.
i’ve had dermals before, but they always rejected.
they were also fairly painful & a bit of a palaver.
anyway, this time it was great.
the actual piercing was over in minutes
hardly any pain
healed perfectly.

so, when I came home,
i wanted another.
i decided to have my boob pierced.
partly because I thought it looked cool
also, I wanted the pain
and
blood.

i crave blood.
i miss it.
i obsess about having too much whooshing through my veins.
i dream about blood.
i want it
OUT.

i thought the piercing would sate my blood lust a little.
i made one mistake
i watched.
i was curious as to how they were managing to do it so quickly
the answer?
a biopsy punch.
it cuts out a full thickness circle of skin in seconds
like a human cookie cutter.
i liked it

of course I bought one
it was very easy to find on eBay
i started with a small punch
i told myself it was damage limitation.
i’m good at lying to myself.

it’s an ingenious device
just press down hard
and
out pops a bloody disc of flesh.

i like it.
i like that I have to be rough with it
i like how raw it looks
i like feeling some control again
sometimes the skin isn’t completely severed
and
i pull it out the tissue out with tweezers
the sensation is disgusting
and
amazing
most of all, I love the blood.

it’s not enough
i’ve ordered larger punches.
i could be in trouble.

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2 Responses to “i like it, i like it…..”

  1. Hello

    Sad to read (still adore the way you write and I have been keeping up) but I get you. I, as an individual don’t self-injure but I am an enormous fan of frequent waxings/threadings. I’ve considered getting a tattoo for these very reasons but I don’t like them!

    Stay you, take care.

    Xxx

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      Thank you. Your opinion means a lot to me.
      I often wonder if it’s no coincidence that most of the people I know who self harm have body mods.

      I’m so happy your blog is back. Xx

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