A letter from my past…

I was looking through some old notebooks & I stumbled upon this letter. It surprised me how hard it was to read it. I am grateful that I am no longer in that awful place, but I am terrified of going back there.

For the important ones,

I’m gone. If my death was avoidable, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger. I apologise for anything you feel I’ve robbed you of & the hurt I’ve caused. I do love you all, I’m do very sorry that wasn’t enough.

My days are often bright, but I never feel completely safe. My dark cloud can return at any time, always threatening to bully me into submission. I’m writing this because I’m almost certain I won’t survive another storm.

There’s nothing any of you could have done. I’m broken. The damage is irreversible. I can’t get back. Any peace I’ve found is not sustainable. I’m tired & I’m sad. I know I may soon lie down.

I’ll miss you all, take care of each other.

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2 Responses to “A letter from my past…”

  1. jenna Says:

    i hope this looks foreign to you now. think of how much happiness you have had since you wrote this. watching athena grow up. talking to me 🙂 .

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      I don’t feel that way now, but it doesn’t look foreign. I remember how I felt then & it makes perfect sense. I don’t feel confident that I wont be there again.

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