you bleed just to know you’re alive…

self-harm is my abiding companion
it’s that nagging feeling that you’ve forgotten something vital
for me, that sensation is perpetual.

no setback is too small to trigger my blood lust
every emotion brings with it an attendant need to scar my body.

i miss my skin’s various & simultaneous stages of distress
gaping, fresh, untreated wounds
tidy blue stitches
thick scabs, ripe for picking
hot swollen masses of infected cuts.

i yearn for the pain
and
the itch
and
mess
and
blood

i dream of blood
flashbacks are dripping in it
inside my head is a swimming throng of red need.

the desire is pounding in my chest
each beat screams
cut.

not obeying is perverse
wielding a blade would silence everything
as my blood cooled
calm would rule.

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4 Responses to “you bleed just to know you’re alive…”

  1. jenna Says:

    thanks for your honesty. raw, heartbreaking, real.
    love you!1

  2. You and I are riding the same wave right now. I am taking it just a moment at a time…getting by with several calls and emails to my therapist. Just making it through one section of the day is a triumph for me. I don’t make any promises for the next moment…and that’s OK.

    I can’t say much more except that I’m listening, and I understand.

    PS: Great tune. Coincidentally, I was just listening to that yesterday.

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      Thanks for all
      Your support. It is appreciated. I wish you didn’t know how this feels.

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