i’ve looked at life from both sides now…

i have written about my longing for children before.
i’ve known i want a family for a very long time. it has just never been possible.
i was too young
or
too sick
or
too single
i did always mostly believe it would happen.

that hope has been waning for a few years now.
i am 33 years old.
reproductively challenged
single
i have a history or mental & physical health problems
i am certainly not wealthy
the odds are stacked against me.

the desire does not lesson.
as everyone around me begins to start a family
(even those who didn’t think they wanted to)
i feel i am running out of time.
and
i’m scared.

i know i am just another woman with a ticking biological clock
nothing unique
or possibly even interesting in my situation.
the unoriginality of my problem does not diminish the pain.

i find myself increasingly obsessing over my options.
a solution has not presented itself.
i don’t want to imagine my life without little ones of my own
but
i can’t envisage a way to make my family happen.

i have no idea where this post is going
i’ve become so overwhelmed with the gap between my needs & my reality that it has just spilt out.
i am bursting with maternal instinct.
i’m ready.
i am so ready.

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3 Responses to “i’ve looked at life from both sides now…”

  1. jenna Says:

    i’m so sorry love. life isn’t very fair. you’d be the perfect mum, and i’m so lucky to you have in my and my soon-to-be child’s life!! ❤

    • doyourememberthattime Says:

      Thank you darling, I can’t wait to meet your little one. You are going to be an amazing mummy. Xx

  2. My friend is single, long hx of MH problems, and at the age of 39 had twins via IVF with donor sperm. There are ways but for those of us without the money for that lots of doors are shut.

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