Archive for the comapassionate mind Category

you do it to yourself…..

Posted in comapassionate mind, depression, family, mental health, self destruction, self harm with tags , , , , , , , , on 03/07/2011 by doyourememberthattime

i appear to a have a gift for self destruction.

 i have already explored more than enough avenues of self abuse



 i find myself creating opportunities to hurt myself

 what’s more,

 feeling a sense of smug satisfaction that i have so much power


 i know.


 it doesn’t stop me

 i hate myself

 i am so tired of being me

 inflicting more damage on my body is incredibly stupid

 i am aware of that


 i hate myself for that too.


 no matter how bad life treats me,

 i just have to go one better

 you would think i would fight against my bad luck

that, i’d meet illness with rest

 trauma with kindness

 sadness with comfort

 tradegy with compassion


 normal people do

 my response is a tad more savage.

 i can not tolerate these emotions

 i can not process anymore awful events

 i feel responsible even when i am not

i live in a constant spiral of guilt



 i stick the boot in

 i punish myself

 i create another emotion

another sensation

 another crisis

one that i can control




of course i am deceiving myself.

 i lost control a very long time ago

 i go too far

 i never know if i can manage the outcome

 i never know the long


short term risks

one more reason to dislike me.


 i am trouble

 a pathetic burden to professionals




 i’m sick in body and mind

 no one knows how to cure me

 least of all me.

help me if you can, i’m feeling down…….

Posted in comapassionate mind, depression, therapy with tags , , , on 22/04/2011 by doyourememberthattime


i feel like i am uncovering things in therapy.

i keep surprising myself.

the things that really touch a nerve shock me

i keep crying at the unexpected.

i think i am making progress.

i still have a blockage between what i think

& how i feel.

we are trying to work on my compassionate voice.

i am finding it very difficult to hear it.

my natural instinct is to be harsh with myself.

so far, i can’t overcome this.

any personal experience of developing you compassionate mind would be most welcome.

i would love to hear from you.