Archive for the identity crisis Category

but we’re never gonna survive,unless we get a little crazy…….

Posted in ambition, depression, hope, identity crisis with tags , , , , , , on 09/03/2011 by doyourememberthattime
i used to have this passion burning inside me.

i believed in myself,

i knew i could achieve anything if i worked hard enough.

i wanted to change the world.

no,

more than that,

i believed i was changing the world,

that i was playing a small part in positive alteration.

i wrote

i danced

i worked

i loved

i studied

i sang

i marched

i lived.

i relished a challenge.

i was someone who had the answers.

when i thought of the future, i felt excitement bubble inside me.

i couldn’t wait to jump in.

i was so very sure that life would be good

and kind

and happy.

was that just naivety ?

i still want to change the world.

it just strikes me as a bit of stretch these days

i have yet to instigate meaningful changes in my own life,

the entire world seems a little out of reach.

i don’t understand where that girl went.

she was so robust.

i’d never have guessed that she’d fold.

i suppose she had to protect herself.

it seemed like the wisest thing at the time

anything in the name of self-preservation.

she had to shed some hope

and

build some barriers to survive.

now that she’s gone

i wonder if it was worth it.

the truth is,

i would give anything to be her again.

the problem is,

i don’t know if she exists anymore.

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as time goes by…

Posted in identity crisis with tags , , , on 21/09/2010 by doyourememberthattime

i will be 30yrs old next week.

it is terrifying and oh so very sad.

i am incredibly disappointed in myself.

this is not where i expected to be at this stage in my life.

the time is slipping away.

everyone i know has a ring or a baby or house,

grown up things.

i’ve always been the black sheep.

always had to go my own way.

now it really feels like i have fallen behind.

i want a wonderful partner and  a bucket load of children.

i want a quirky house, filled with books and quirky pets.

i picture myself making finger paintings and bathing mucky kids.

taking long walks with our dogs.

watching the man i love read bedtime stories to our children.

i’ll write when the kids are in bed

and spend my days being an earth mother.

i’ve planned the wedding,

picked the names.

i have this aching hole in my life.

when is it my turn ?

where is my happy ending ?