Archive for blade

blood on the rise, it’s following me….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 10/06/2013 by doyourememberthattime

i cut.
265 days. Void.

in the end there wasn’t any particular trigger
i had bad day
no worse than the few that went before it
a flip just switched
i started to feel like I could
like I should
and
that was that

i had been so scared of forgetting how
i thought I might get rusty without the continuous practise
i needn’t have worried
it had never been easier.

I intended to take my time,
make a small cut
dip my blade in
but
the blood flooded my senses
i was in deep before I was even properly aware of it

it felt good.

the blood under my fingernails
the little globs of yellow fat on my hands
the pulsing blue network
the pain
the calm

i expected to feel worse
i’m a little ashamed
i don’t want people to know
but
if this could be my secret
i’d happily dive back into the self-destructive depths.

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i will submit

Posted in self harm with tags , , , , on 01/08/2010 by doyourememberthattime

i do not turn my head to the wall
there is no cowering in my life, condemn me,
if you must
i will not deny strength is found in my blood
i do not shrink from my responsibility
your bitter words, offer no solution
i will submit to
my blade
but not to your prejudice
i wreak my own havoc
to find my own piece of mind
my pain
my calm
my own affair
i offer no apology for my survival
i seek harm only to heal
pour your scorn, my blood still spills
i will submit to
my blade
but not to your prejudice