Archive for faint

a study in scarlett

Posted in dating, depression, insomnia, mental health, self destruction, self harm, therapy with tags , , , , , , on 29/02/2012 by doyourememberthattime

it’s been a bad day

i’ve been attempting to analyse why

what tips me over into my worst days ?



i’ve been really nauseous

never helps

stomach has been cramping

chest is very heavy

and my back has been aching

so, i don’t feel good


i had some unpleasant words with my sister on sunday

they’re lingering

i didn’t hear from the man

at all


that’s festering

money (lack of) is a concern

the huge gnawing kind.

i suppose those things might upset anyone.


i fainted

nothing new


i really hurt myself

hip & shoulder are now extremely painful

i ruined my glasses

they’re all buckled & scratched


when i came round

i was outside my front door


i still have no idea what i was doing there

the confusion

frightens me a little


and i can’t afford new glasses

again, reasons to be out of sorts.


i still haven’t heard from the man properly

a few frustrating texts

a bundle of tears


i’m angry with myself for getting into this situation.


sets me on a negative thought path

i make poor decisions

i am to blame for my place in life

if i was




more selfless

less lazy

i could get on top of this mess



i’m not


i don’t


instead, i begin to think i should self harm

i haven’t cut in 6 days


is probably part of why i feel so low

i promise myself it doesn’t have to be big

just a little release

a little blood


you know the score

you know where that leads


i do too,

but it doesn’t stop me.