Archive for happy

let’s talk about sex….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 30/09/2013 by doyourememberthattime

i’m horny.
actually, I’m horny almost all of time.
i know part of depression is supposed to be a loss of libido,
but this has never been the case for me.

sex is a drug
an invigorating
blissful
powerful drug.

when I’m fucking I’m not worrying
i’m not terrified
or
sad
i am completely in the moment.
focused on mmine & my partner’s bodies
and
how good we can make each other feel.

sex is the only thing that switches my brain off.

sex for me, offers the same release as self-harm
but
in a positive, non-damaging way.
sex makes me feel good.
the more physical the better.
i like it rough
i am totally up for some kink
in an ideal world I would be getting it on more than once a day.

i’m always safe.
i don’t sleep with strangers.
i have some ex’s i’m on good terms with who step in when I am unattached.
i need some sort of connection with a person to enjoy being dirty with them
i have to like them
i want to lie in bed afterwards & have a gab.

this year in particular
i have realised how therapeutic sex can be.

i have an almost insatiable appetite for cock
(& lately pussy too)
woman are constantly told they ought not to behave this way
i am sure many folk would call me slut
i don’t care

there are very few things in life that make me feel content & in control
i refuse to feel guilty for indulging in an activity that does.

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ain’t no mountain high enough…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 30/09/2013 by doyourememberthattime

every friday or saturday night I facetime my girl.
it’s first thing in the morning in australia
so, my muffin is just starting her day.
from the moment her little face flashes up on my screen
i am happy.

our calls are always a joy.
she dances for me
tells me incredible stories of her own creation
sings
fills me in on her latest discoveries
be they monster high
or god help us, Justin beiber.
she is amazing.

this child remembers everything.
her memory of events when she was tiny, tiny astound me.
she is so smart
beautiful
&
funny.
she cracks me up.

as much as I love our facetime,
they also break my heart just a little bit
i am missing so much.
my girl swims now
she knows her alphabet
the cats she draws are fantastic
she now says awesome in an aussie accent
&
on friday night a wolf sneaked into her bedroom ( don’t worry, it was a friendly wolf who just wanted to say hello & check out her Justin beiber songs)
i want to be there for every moment.
i want to know what’s happening in her life as it happens.

so, after more than a year of longing for my muffin
14 months without cuddles
reading her bedtime stories
bathing her
holding her hand
or kissing that pretty face,
i am going to Australia.

I have saved
&
saved
&
saved

the time has almost come
i’ll be spending 6 glorious weeks with the most delightful person who ever lived.

auntie auntie will be there real soon
i am going to smother you with love
&
adore every second of it.

one day like this a year will see me right…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on 22/09/2013 by doyourememberthattime

i went for a walk today.
i’ve been looking after my brother’s dog
&
i took him to the park for a walk with my sister & her dog.

it doesn’t sound like much,
but it was wonderful.

I felt completely at ease
and
entirely safe with my sister.
the dogs gave me a focus beyond my anxiety
their energy,
their joy just to be running around in the grass
was infectious.

it crept up on me
&
before I knew it,
i was feeling good.

the fresh air
the sounds of kids playing
laughing my sister
petting the boys when they came galloping towards us, seeking our approval.
it was all good.

i felt free
my mind was clear
i was in the moment.
it was so refreshing.

it was the reminder that I needed that life can be good.
released from the battle in my head
&
the cage of my painful body.
sometimes, everything can be ok.

today was a good day.
i needed it.

the best part of me was always you….

Posted in children, family, love with tags , , , , , , , , on 03/06/2012 by doyourememberthattime

my brother & his family are emmigrating

to austrlia

i am going to lose the best and most important thing in my life.

my muffin.

my niece is everything.

i’m crying already.

i don’t know how to live without her

she is my reason to stay alive

i feel like i am grieving

in the week since i they annouced they were leaving

i have fallen apart.

i have so many fears.

how i will manage without her

how she will feel without all of her family

how will she ever understand ?

how i will ever afford to visit

will she forget me ?

i can’t bear the thought of her hurting

or

the idea that i’ll become some distant aunt that doesn’t really mean anything

i have adored every second of her life

watching her become her own little person

all the mornings she wakes me up

teaching her songs

&

reading her stories

we’ve shared so many of her firsts

created so many games

&

memories

i feel like a losing another child.

i keep thinking of all the moments that she has reminded me that life can be good

that feeling that swells inside me

just by having her near me.

so smart and funny.

we have so much fun

making her happy

is reason enough for me to keep fighting

knowing that we will never be like again

is killing me

i can’t hold her until she falls asleeep via skype

or silently watch as she creates her own play world

listen to her talk to her toys

or herself

there will be no more singing in the car

or walking the dogs together

no more singing her bath song

or breaking my back to be her horsey

the most special part of my life is over.

knowing that she loves me

knowing i will see her tomorrow and the next day

has been my reason.

my heart is breaking.

head over feet

Posted in love, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on 13/07/2010 by doyourememberthattime

i like to meet him when he finishes work.
i wait just around the corner from his office,

he texts me when he’s coming down

& i just stand there smiling.

that first glimpse of him as he turns the corner is so excitingly familiar.

that smiles becomes a big beaming grin as i watch him approach.

And then the magic moment,

he kisses me.

me

butterflies every single time.

i feel so proud.

he is kissing me, right there in the busy street.

he wants me

and he doesn’t care who knows it.

we walk along our cobbled street.

he’ll tell about his day

we’ll decide where to eat

nothing earth shattering

but it’s all i want