Archive for heartache

memories, in the corner of my mind….

Posted in love, trust with tags , , , , , , , on 01/09/2011 by doyourememberthattime

i remember the first time i saw “the way we were”

 i was around 14 

 i watched it with my mum.

i  identified with katie so much,

she was so passionate,

she cared

 and

she was willing to do something about it

 

 as the story unfolded, i fell in love with katie & hubble.

 i believed in them.

 it broke my heart when it dawned in me that they wouldn’t end up together

 i cried

and

 at the end i wailed, but they still love each other.

 

 mum said, LOVE ISN’T ALWAYS ENOUGH.

 

 i couldn’t get a grasp on that concept.

 my romantic ideals could not comprehend a situation where love wouldn’t be enough.

 

 i miss that naiveté.

 i miss being able to believe that love could change facts

 and people

 and everyday.

 

 it’s a lesson i wish i didn’t have to learn

but

 i’m all grown up now

 

 mostly

 

 i’m still a katie girl

 i still know what i stand for

 i still i know what i want

 and

need

 

sadly, that’s what prevents love from being enough.

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but we’re never gonna survive,unless we get a little crazy…….

Posted in ambition, depression, hope, identity crisis with tags , , , , , , on 09/03/2011 by doyourememberthattime
i used to have this passion burning inside me.

i believed in myself,

i knew i could achieve anything if i worked hard enough.

i wanted to change the world.

no,

more than that,

i believed i was changing the world,

that i was playing a small part in positive alteration.

i wrote

i danced

i worked

i loved

i studied

i sang

i marched

i lived.

i relished a challenge.

i was someone who had the answers.

when i thought of the future, i felt excitement bubble inside me.

i couldn’t wait to jump in.

i was so very sure that life would be good

and kind

and happy.

was that just naivety ?

i still want to change the world.

it just strikes me as a bit of stretch these days

i have yet to instigate meaningful changes in my own life,

the entire world seems a little out of reach.

i don’t understand where that girl went.

she was so robust.

i’d never have guessed that she’d fold.

i suppose she had to protect herself.

it seemed like the wisest thing at the time

anything in the name of self-preservation.

she had to shed some hope

and

build some barriers to survive.

now that she’s gone

i wonder if it was worth it.

the truth is,

i would give anything to be her again.

the problem is,

i don’t know if she exists anymore.

is he bold enough to take me on ?

Posted in love with tags , , on 26/07/2010 by doyourememberthattime

he’s gone for two weeks

i already feel lost.

it terrifies me.

i missed him before he was even gone.

two weeks is not a long time.

i keep repeating those words.

i’m just not sure how to get through the days without him.

i’ll miss his eloquent text messages.

the way the click of my phone

makes my tummy flip.

i need a daily fix of my odd man

i need our converations.

words that fill my night,my heart & mind.

fuck, i feel too much.

what is it good for ?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on 20/06/2010 by doyourememberthattime

i’m waging a war
with myself.

there are ceasefires,
but i am currently fighting a battle on two fronts.
there are bound to be casualties.

part of me knows it is time to quit.
i can’t hold this front forever.
it is not possible to make him love me
equally,i can’t make myself stop loving him.
it’s painful to look at someone & see a future i can’t have.

half of me is ready to wave my white flag
and
the other half is prepared to dig in.

and there is the ongoing, dirty squirmish.
CUT
DON’T CUT
emotions lined up on each side of the barricades.
guilt & pain ready to face fear & sadness.
there is no victor.
i lose everytime.