Archive for help

with love from me to you – a little advice

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 13/07/2013 by doyourememberthattime

I have had some search terms that have compelled to write another little advice type post. Hopefully this post will help someone feel a little better.
I self-harmed because I felt fat.
I am not sure if readers of this bog are aware, but I am a plus sized woman. I‘ll be honest I struggle with body positivity. We live in a world where thin is worshipped. We are constantly told there is only one kind of beauty. That is categorically wrong. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Fat does not equal ugly. I understand that this can be hard to believe. I have found a lot of support and inspiration from the fat acceptance movement. I would recommend that you check this out. It’s a loving & affirming community. I also love ‘fatshion’ blogs, big beautiful woman rocking gorgeous clothes. Searching for fat acceptance on tumblr & pinterest is a good entry into the fat pride world. Below are also a couple of links to my favourite fatshion blogs, both have a feminist slant & will make you feel good.
http://www.archedeyebrow.com
http://www.nearsightedowl.com

I feel so ugly & embarrassed about my self harm scars
Your scars are not ugly. I’m sure those words seem empty to you, but they are true. Scars show so many things, that you’ve survived, that you’ve had to fight, your vulnerability & strength; you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I know it is scary to face other people’s judgement, but you are stronger than them. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. Try to surround yourself with people who accept you as you are. If that is a struggle in real life, you can find communities online to provide support & help you educate friends & family members. Twitter is an excellent resource for finding people experiencing and advocating for mental illness. I am happy to help any of my readers, please feel free to get in contact & I will do what I can.

Self-harm scars forever alone
Dating and relationships can be scary when you have self-harm scars. It’s very difficult to know when to reveal that you have struggled with self-harm or mental illness in general. You are never guaranteed a positive reaction, it can feel hopeless. However, I can tell you from my own experience that this is not the case. I have had both long & short term relationships during the 14yrs I have been self-harming. I have slept with women & men mostly with little conversation about my scars. Of course mental illness can cause problems in a relationship. It can be very difficult for a loved one to know that you are hurting yourself, but it is possible to overcome these issues. I can honestly say that I have never been rejected because of my scars (which are extensive). You can & will find love.

I’ll finish with some general advice for all my readers.
If you are struggling with self-harm, please seek help. Find someone you feel comfortable talking to & tell them you need help. As terrifying as it sounds, your gp is a great first step. The sooner you seek help, the better. Self-harm spirals out of control very quickly. Please, please, please do not try to do this alone. You need and deserve help. Trust me; you will be glad you reached out. Do not hesitate to contact me if you feel I could help you do this.

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won’t you please,please help me…..

Posted in depression, family, friendship, mental health, self destruction, self harm, therapy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on 08/04/2012 by doyourememberthattime

after conducting a small survey with close friends & family members.

i decided my therapist may be correct

i do indeed have an unrealistic perception

of

my situation

 

i am still not entirely won over

but

i’m convinced enough to be

frightened

 

i reviewed lots of the handouts i have received from my psychologist

and thought a great deal about how i could reduce my

self harming

behaviours

 

i wanted to reduce my opportunity

and

my desire

to cut

 

i filled up my week with things i thought i could do

if i really pushed myself

 

i accepted invitations from two close friends

along with already planned time with my little ones

& agreed to look after my brothers dog

 

i kept busy.

i got dressed

i did my hair & applied make up

i ate well

and

attended to much needed housework

i ticked so many of the advised boxes

 

i didn’t want to do most of these things

they were tiring

and

scary

and stressful

but, it’s what i have been encouraged to do.

 

the result ?

 

i feel worse

in every

possible

way

my mind and body are worn out.

interacting with the world has been horrendous

 

i felt close to breaking  last night

i cried for hours

had an episode of vomiting

finally drugged myself to sleep

 

this morning i woke up to the dread of another day

i’ve been on edge

i can’t settle

everything feels wrong

i’m in pain

i feel nauseous

and

utterly exhausted

 

most of all

i am overwhelmingly sad

of course this leads back to my usual destructive tendencies

with all it’s predictable problems

satisfaction is hard to accomplish

and

the calm is brief

 

i simply do not know how to live anymore

neither my own maladaptive

nor

the recommended

supposedly healthy

techniques work

 

i try

i engage in therapy

i take medication

i attempt to follow advice

nothing helps

 

i see the years slipping by

and

i hate myself for wasting them

i am desperate

help me

got enough guilt to start my own religion

Posted in depression, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on 16/07/2010 by doyourememberthattime

i told the truth today.
the whole truth
i cried for an hour and half

and then,

i accepted more help

i did listenen to to what my psychologist  said
i really listened
it is in my head
i don’t believe it yEt
i don’t feel it,
but it’s in there

i have to let go of my guilt
i am not to blame
i am not to blame
i am not to blame

Hmmm,

IT IS ALL MY FAULT.
I’M VERY SCARED
AND I KNOW IT’S ALL MY FAULT.