Archive for joy

worth it….

Posted in children, depression, family, friendship, love, mental illness, motherhood, pregnancy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on 24/11/2014 by doyourememberthattime

one of my dearest friends gave birth yesterday
she brought a beautiful baby girl into the world
and
i’m so proud of her
i’m so happy for her
i’m so in love with that little girl already

but
i’m crying
when she told me she was in labour i felt a stab of pain so sharp
that it took my breath away
because i’m selfish
and jealous
and another person i love is getting everything I want

the thing is once i got my breath back
i prayed that her labour was easy
i prayed for them both to be safe
i was excited.
all i wanted was for them both to be healthy & happy.

when i saw her beautiful little face this afternoon
i cried happy tears
she’s perfect
and her mummy has done the bravest, hardest thing by bringing her into the world
i know how full of love her life is going to be
and
how wonderful her parents are.

we live on different continents
i can’t be there every day
but
i want nothing more than to be a part of this tiny new human’s life
i can’t wait to watch this family grow.

So, yes
i’m self-involved
and
yes, it hurts
but
the hurt isn’t a patch on the joy
idoesn’t touch the thrill of a new life
it cannot dull the pride
Nor dampen the adventure.

there will always be pain
and
it will always be worth it

the huge, expansive love
will never stop being worth it.

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ain’t no mountain high enough…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 30/09/2013 by doyourememberthattime

every friday or saturday night I facetime my girl.
it’s first thing in the morning in australia
so, my muffin is just starting her day.
from the moment her little face flashes up on my screen
i am happy.

our calls are always a joy.
she dances for me
tells me incredible stories of her own creation
sings
fills me in on her latest discoveries
be they monster high
or god help us, Justin beiber.
she is amazing.

this child remembers everything.
her memory of events when she was tiny, tiny astound me.
she is so smart
beautiful
&
funny.
she cracks me up.

as much as I love our facetime,
they also break my heart just a little bit
i am missing so much.
my girl swims now
she knows her alphabet
the cats she draws are fantastic
she now says awesome in an aussie accent
&
on friday night a wolf sneaked into her bedroom ( don’t worry, it was a friendly wolf who just wanted to say hello & check out her Justin beiber songs)
i want to be there for every moment.
i want to know what’s happening in her life as it happens.

so, after more than a year of longing for my muffin
14 months without cuddles
reading her bedtime stories
bathing her
holding her hand
or kissing that pretty face,
i am going to Australia.

I have saved
&
saved
&
saved

the time has almost come
i’ll be spending 6 glorious weeks with the most delightful person who ever lived.

auntie auntie will be there real soon
i am going to smother you with love
&
adore every second of it.