Archive for lost

i can feel the distance as you breathe…

Posted in depression, friendship, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on 07/03/2014 by doyourememberthattime

i’m a little bit lost
and
a lot broken
but you could patch me back together
i don’t mean in any permanent sense
that’s up to me

you could fix me today

Advertisements

do you know where you’re going to ?……..

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on 14/11/2012 by doyourememberthattime

this is my 54th cut free day.
i still have no idea how i feel about it
i know that everyone else is happy
them not having to worry so much is a relief for me
i feel better about myself
i feel less of a burden

other than that
i don’t think i feel anything
not proud
not happy

am i numb ?

i miss it

the blood

and

gore

i worry that i’m losing my ability to cut

it took years to get this “good”

as ridiculous as it sounds

that’s important to me

it has to be extreme

otherwise it doesn’t mean anything

is this recovery ?

why am i so scared ?

why does it feel like i’ve lost myself ?

 

give me hope, help me cope with this heavy load….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on 18/01/2012 by doyourememberthattime

i thought i’d know how to do this,
but
i don’t.

grief is not a stranger
loss
not an unfamiliar concept

it turns out
you
can’t
learn this

i feel lost.
i wasn’t ready for this
how can you ever be ready ?

i’m scared i am getting it wrong
i know that doesn’t make sense,
but
when did that ever stop me

i need it to be the way
he
would want it

our relationship was so uncomplicated
it never become muddled
with
crazy

i was always the same person to him
and
he was always what i needed him to be

safe
stable
loving

he was a connection to
everything
good
a life that is almost gone

i can’t articulate
who he was
or
how i will miss him

practise does not make perfect
i do not know how to do this