Archive for miscarriage.parenting

beautiful, beautiful,beautiful boy …..

Posted in family, hope, miscarriage, motherhood, pregnancy with tags , , , , , , , on 13/09/2011 by doyourememberthattime

dear baby,

yesterday would have been your 11th birthday. i can hardly believe that is possible. i find myself wondering what we would be doing now. you would be starting secondary school. i can’t help think about which school that would be. i wonder if you would look like me. would you love your weird hippie mum or would i be an embarrassment. i wouldn’t mind either way. i’ll always love you. those are just a tiny sample of the millions of questions i have about you. i’m always imagining the life we didn’t get to live together. all the landmarks we’ve never reached and the everyday life we missed. 

i’m trying to learn how to remember you and still live this life that i have. i am trying to grieve for you. to feel sad, but not overwhelmed by your loss. i need you to know that i won’t ever leave you behind. you will always be part of my life. i will always be your mum. i hope i can find a way to cherish your short life and be at peace with you being gone. i want to live a better life. i’d like to be someone you can be proud of.

love always

mum

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