Archive for new life

worth it….

Posted in children, depression, family, friendship, love, mental illness, motherhood, pregnancy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on 24/11/2014 by doyourememberthattime

one of my dearest friends gave birth yesterday
she brought a beautiful baby girl into the world
and
i’m so proud of her
i’m so happy for her
i’m so in love with that little girl already

but
i’m crying
when she told me she was in labour i felt a stab of pain so sharp
that it took my breath away
because i’m selfish
and jealous
and another person i love is getting everything I want

the thing is once i got my breath back
i prayed that her labour was easy
i prayed for them both to be safe
i was excited.
all i wanted was for them both to be healthy & happy.

when i saw her beautiful little face this afternoon
i cried happy tears
she’s perfect
and her mummy has done the bravest, hardest thing by bringing her into the world
i know how full of love her life is going to be
and
how wonderful her parents are.

we live on different continents
i can’t be there every day
but
i want nothing more than to be a part of this tiny new human’s life
i can’t wait to watch this family grow.

So, yes
i’m self-involved
and
yes, it hurts
but
the hurt isn’t a patch on the joy
idoesn’t touch the thrill of a new life
it cannot dull the pride
Nor dampen the adventure.

there will always be pain
and
it will always be worth it

the huge, expansive love
will never stop being worth it.

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all you can do is keep breathing….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on 30/10/2012 by doyourememberthattime

i’m trying.
i’m trying so very hard.
i’m trying to start anew
i’m trying not to be sad
and
broken
and
difficult

i want so much to be someone else
everyone thinks i am doing so well
i can act the part
i put on a great show
but
i’m still sitting here unable to stop crying at 4 in the morning.

i feel empty

i’m trying to build something new
but
i don’t think i have enough pieces.

every single thing i can’t live without
goes

i want my baby
and
my niece
and
the person i was before i was irrevocably damaged.

i want to be happy
to be someone that a person could love without being hurt.

i wish i wasn’t this dark hole
but
i can’t shine a light bright enough.

i’m trying so hard
but
it’s never enough.