Archive for nowhere

losing in front of your own crowd…

Posted in mental illness, self harm with tags , , , , , , , , on 21/04/2014 by doyourememberthattime

I find myself in unchartered territory.
I think I have edged myself closer to the edge of this pit of despair (dramatic enough for you?)
Now, I’m just nowhere
I mostly want to sleep
And
Bleed

I have very quickly become obsessed with bloodletting again.
I hate the thought of it pulsing through my veins
There is absolutely, definitely too much.
I need it out
It’s all I can think of.
All of the time.

I’m failing.
I’m too sick
Too tired
I can’t keep up with my desired blood loss
It’s driving me insane
I feel utterly pathetic
I can’t find the energy to get it out
And
I can’t bear to have it in

It all sounds like an excuse to me
I am so angry with myself
This is one thing I can do
Underperforming in this area is unacceptable
The self-hatred is really piling up.
I’m nowhere.
Nowhere.

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