Archive for perfect

it’s got to be worth it….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 22/09/2013 by doyourememberthattime

I have had a couple of emails & lots of search terms on the topic of self-harm & dating. I can’t claim to be an expert, but I do date & I’m happy to share my tips.
I’d like to start by saying no one has ever flat out rejected me solely on account of my scars or my cutting. That is not to say that self-harm has never caused a problem in relationships, but no one has run away screaming.
I find that being upfront and forthright has worked best for me. On a first date with someone new I will wear something that allows a little bit of scarring to be seen. This is scary, but less scary than getting to know & like someone all the while worrying about how and when to tell them your secret. It also gives anyone who can’t handle scars or their implications a chance to bail before anyone gets attached. Be prepared for some lingering glances when they think you aren’t looking. It’s also possible that they may ask questions right away, whenever they do ask, I always answer briefly, but honestly. If you develop a relationship with this person any lies you tell will be uncovered. Again it allows either party to walk away if they aren’t comfortable with the route the conversation takes.
I have been internet dating & I deliberately uploaded one picture that shows some scars. I think this is a good idea as wards off anyone who has a real issue with self-harm or scars. As we all know, people can be crueller online than they would be in person, so weeding out the bastards early can only be a plus.
I think once the relationship progresses & people start to care about each, the scars are less of a problem than they actual self-harming behaviour. I’ve had men admit that my scars disturb them a little, make them feel sad or protective, but never enough to stop them wanting to have a relationship with me. I know a lot of people worry that their scars make them unattractive; I use to be scared that mine robbed me of any desirability. I have been reassured by men that I’ve dated that after the initial shock; they mostly cease to really notice them. Certainly no one has ever found them so distasteful as to be turned off.
If you are still actively self-harming relationships can be difficult. Obviously it’s distressing to know that someone you care about is in so much pain. There is no easy way around that. I’m not relationship expert or counsellor, but what I can tell you is be truthful with your partner. Open up, let them support you if they able. Love & self-harm (or any mental illness) are not mutually exclusive. When you meet the right person, it can work.
Having said that, there are pitfalls. Don’t be afraid to walk away, if the other party is detrimental to your mental health. Please don’t feel that you have to change or ‘get better’ for someone. Recovery is a personal journey. It will only work if you’re doing it for yourself. You don’t need anyone in your life that makes you feel guilty. Nor do you want someone who is ashamed or embarrassed of your problems. Remember you are worth just as much as everyone else. Be brave and stand up for yourself if needs be.

In conclusion I would say, go for it. There are kind, decent people out there who will see the whole you. The right person will try to understand. There are lots of wonderful men & women just waiting to meet you. You can have lots of fun trying new people on & seeing who fits best. You’re good enough as you are. Keep telling yourself that until you start to believe it.

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how wondefrul life is, now you’re in the world

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 29/12/2011 by doyourememberthattime

i love that you still call me auntie auntie when you are tired
they way you lift my head to look at the freckles in my head
it’s adorable when you shake your little bum
whilst dancing
how much you love my handbag
and
how you drag it about if it is too heavy to lift

it blows me away
when
you excuse yourself after burping
or
bless me
if i sneeze

you can not imagine how funny it is
to
watch
you boss about thr nig giant dogs
telling them
to
calm down
and behave
& how sweet it is when you pat my head
and tell me good boy
as though
i
too
am a big lumbering pup

it breaks my heart when you cry for me
i hate to leave
when
you’re asking to ahve your shoes on
& saying let’s go.

i am so proud to listen to you
recite your colours
count to ten
name dinosaurs
and
sing your songs
oh, how you love to sing

it makes me feel warm inside
to watch you sleep
feel you little hand grasp mine
the way you sometimes
wake
and
check
i am still there

your sneaky attempts to get out of bed
astound me
such a clever little mind
always noting what works
trying to charm me
if all else fails

your total lack of fear
is wonderful
be it sliding down big schutes
or
wanting to pick up giant spiders

your natural curiosity
and
propensity for joy
gives me a reason to breathe
knowing i can make you laugh
and
squel delight
provide me with purpose

these and so many other things
brighten my days
this is just a tiny snippet
of how amazing you are

believe me baby,
i never understood
how wonderful life was
until you were in my world.