Archive for relationships

with love from me to you – a little advice

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 13/07/2013 by doyourememberthattime

I have had some search terms that have compelled to write another little advice type post. Hopefully this post will help someone feel a little better.
I self-harmed because I felt fat.
I am not sure if readers of this bog are aware, but I am a plus sized woman. I‘ll be honest I struggle with body positivity. We live in a world where thin is worshipped. We are constantly told there is only one kind of beauty. That is categorically wrong. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Fat does not equal ugly. I understand that this can be hard to believe. I have found a lot of support and inspiration from the fat acceptance movement. I would recommend that you check this out. It’s a loving & affirming community. I also love ‘fatshion’ blogs, big beautiful woman rocking gorgeous clothes. Searching for fat acceptance on tumblr & pinterest is a good entry into the fat pride world. Below are also a couple of links to my favourite fatshion blogs, both have a feminist slant & will make you feel good.

I feel so ugly & embarrassed about my self harm scars
Your scars are not ugly. I’m sure those words seem empty to you, but they are true. Scars show so many things, that you’ve survived, that you’ve had to fight, your vulnerability & strength; you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I know it is scary to face other people’s judgement, but you are stronger than them. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. Try to surround yourself with people who accept you as you are. If that is a struggle in real life, you can find communities online to provide support & help you educate friends & family members. Twitter is an excellent resource for finding people experiencing and advocating for mental illness. I am happy to help any of my readers, please feel free to get in contact & I will do what I can.

Self-harm scars forever alone
Dating and relationships can be scary when you have self-harm scars. It’s very difficult to know when to reveal that you have struggled with self-harm or mental illness in general. You are never guaranteed a positive reaction, it can feel hopeless. However, I can tell you from my own experience that this is not the case. I have had both long & short term relationships during the 14yrs I have been self-harming. I have slept with women & men mostly with little conversation about my scars. Of course mental illness can cause problems in a relationship. It can be very difficult for a loved one to know that you are hurting yourself, but it is possible to overcome these issues. I can honestly say that I have never been rejected because of my scars (which are extensive). You can & will find love.

I’ll finish with some general advice for all my readers.
If you are struggling with self-harm, please seek help. Find someone you feel comfortable talking to & tell them you need help. As terrifying as it sounds, your gp is a great first step. The sooner you seek help, the better. Self-harm spirals out of control very quickly. Please, please, please do not try to do this alone. You need and deserve help. Trust me; you will be glad you reached out. Do not hesitate to contact me if you feel I could help you do this.

i guess it’s too early, ’cause i don’t know where i stand….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 24/05/2013 by doyourememberthattime

i have a talent for picking complicated men.
i like men whose stories have a twist.
odd works for me.
so, when i was faced with choice of  a sweet, accomodating, reliable, available man
a mysterious, unreadable, but passionate man
i obviously opted for the latter.

we’d been talking for months before he asked me out.
the feeling in stomach when he did told me that there could be something between us
our first date was nerve wrecking.
the conversation flowed easily enough once we got over his intial shyness
i was enoying his company, he seemed in no hurry to leave.
but i couldn’t read him at all.
was it just a friendly evening or something more ?

i got my answer almost as soon as we left the bar,
he kissed me in a phone box
which, i found strangely romantic.
this sponateous kissing in the street has become a feature
i like it

it’s been a couple of months
i still haven’t worked out exactly what’s going on.
we speak everyday
when we’re together he’s affectionate & interested
he never vocalises how he feels.
sometimes for no discerneable reason, he’ll suddenly feel distant.

he’s very set in his ways.
he has lots of strange habits that are very ingrained.
i find them partly endearing
& at times , frustrating.
he likes me to go his house
he likes to plan our dates
i suppose he likes to be control

this could be a problem

i would like a little more control
i wold like to feel a bit more secure in his feelings for me
it’s early days
i don’t know what’s going to happen
i do know that i really like him

a tale of two ex’s, part 1

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 06/02/2013 by doyourememberthattime

i hadn’t seen the man for a year or so
and in that time i quietly got over him
it happened whilst i wasn’t looking

i still missed him
being newly single
the idea of a spending some time with him
without all the longing,

if i’m totally honest,
the idea of some no feelings sex had occured to me too.

i was quickly disabused of any no feelings notion.
my controlled, unemotional man was transformed
perhaps it was just all the red wine,

he enquired what i would say if he asked me to move in with him.
he alluded to a desire for us to grow old together
he even seemed to be budging on the children issue.
in his own impossible way of course,

his exact words were,
i don’t want a baby, but
if we had one
i would try to love it

i don’t think he quite grasped how short this offer fell.

he talked about how certain aspects of his life were making him unhappy
expressed fear & uncertainty
asked for my approval
assurances that i would always be in his life.

he was not himself.

it was strange to see him so vunerable
to be honest, i’m worried about him.

i didn’t expect seeing him to bring up so many emotions.
i don’t want to spend my life with him anymore,
i do still love him.
i still want to take care of him
is a little dangerous.

when we parted he kissed me.
as much as i wanted to feel nothing
i was as blown away as i’ve always been

he presses his lips to mine
i melt
i don’t experience that with anyone else.

i’m not going back
he is never going to give me what i want

i just can’t help wondering
what might have been…..

maybe you’ll run ….

Posted in dating, friendship, hope, love, romance, trust with tags , , , , on 21/02/2012 by doyourememberthattime

withdrawal has taken approximately

 32 hours

i’m doing that crazy girl thing


going over everything he said


searching for significance

the bit that is really sticking


“i wish i had met you before my wife”

what does that mean ?

(don’t worry, he’s divorced)

i didn’t think that i still mattered

to him

it was easier to move on when i


he didn’t want me

there was no going back

nothing to cling to

now, i know

i can still make him do that smile


fling his arm across his head in bed

i want to call him


ask him what that meant


that’s just insane

right ?

is he thinking about me

right now ?

does he wish i with him

is he fighting the urge to call me

how do i stop

when it’s so good ?