Archive for savage

still enough time to figure out how to chase my blues away….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 30/09/2013 by doyourememberthattime

i’m not cutting.
partly because I simply lack the energy it requires
and
also because, damn it, I need to beat this demon.

it’s hard
so hard

i am still awaiting the day when I do not feel the urge
to be honest I’m losing hope that it will come.

there is still a daily battle
the constant guilt haunts me
i miss the pain
and
the blood
Oh god, do i miss the blood.

my emotions are so overwhelming
it becomes hard just to sit in my own skin
an assault on my flesh would be so welcome
the relief of a savage limb would be intense.
blood would wash my sins away
like a baptism.

i have an intermittent slide show playing in my head
of all the glorious destruction I could wreak upon myself
this is would be so much more bearable if I had a deadline
if I knew this would stop one day
if I knew I would win
i could stand the pain.

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i keep bleeding….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on 11/06/2013 by doyourememberthattime

one more cut
i need it

i’m drowning.
in desire
i feel it fizzing in my stomach
i am overwhelmed by the complusion to bleed
to drift away on that peaceful tide.

i long to tear myself apart
savage
searing
carnage

i have an obligation
to administer the punishment i deserve
i must bleed