Archive for still enough time to figure out how to chase my blues away

still enough time to figure out how to chase my blues away….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 30/09/2013 by doyourememberthattime

i’m not cutting.
partly because I simply lack the energy it requires
and
also because, damn it, I need to beat this demon.

it’s hard
so hard

i am still awaiting the day when I do not feel the urge
to be honest I’m losing hope that it will come.

there is still a daily battle
the constant guilt haunts me
i miss the pain
and
the blood
Oh god, do i miss the blood.

my emotions are so overwhelming
it becomes hard just to sit in my own skin
an assault on my flesh would be so welcome
the relief of a savage limb would be intense.
blood would wash my sins away
like a baptism.

i have an intermittent slide show playing in my head
of all the glorious destruction I could wreak upon myself
this is would be so much more bearable if I had a deadline
if I knew this would stop one day
if I knew I would win
i could stand the pain.

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