Archive for crying

we’ll all be lonely tonight & lonely tomorrow…

Posted in depression, insomnia, mental health, mental illness, self harm with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 14/10/2015 by doyourememberthattime

crying in the middle of the night is back.

dark rooms

dark thoughts

indiscernible tears.
i feel hollow

&

fractured.
multiple precarious cracks 

all threatening to give way

and i’m not gentle 

i can’t be trusted with my crumbling self 

i’m likely to stick my fingers in the gaps 

and

pull my roof down.
the safest option is 2am tears. 

just lie very still in a dark room

and

cry 

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the blood jet is poetry and there is no stopping it…..

Posted in depression, insomnia, mental health, mental illness, self destruction, self harm, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 22/03/2014 by doyourememberthattime

i’ve been up all night
thinking
listening to sad songs
reading brutal tales
i suppose it was only a matter of the time
in the end, all it took was
two words

a couplet that lit up the relevant part of my brain
one evocative phrase that kicked started this whole sordid ritual
words that gave me license to bleed

i needed to bleed
i had to feel the very pulse of life
the pure, vibrant strength
of my will.

if only for right now,
i have reclaimed the power that resides at my core
i am once again the most authentic version of myself.

as my blood washes over me
i turn up the volume so the melancholy music can fill my head
and
my tears finally flow.

all you can do is keep breathing….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on 30/10/2012 by doyourememberthattime

i’m trying.
i’m trying so very hard.
i’m trying to start anew
i’m trying not to be sad
and
broken
and
difficult

i want so much to be someone else
everyone thinks i am doing so well
i can act the part
i put on a great show
but
i’m still sitting here unable to stop crying at 4 in the morning.

i feel empty

i’m trying to build something new
but
i don’t think i have enough pieces.

every single thing i can’t live without
goes

i want my baby
and
my niece
and
the person i was before i was irrevocably damaged.

i want to be happy
to be someone that a person could love without being hurt.

i wish i wasn’t this dark hole
but
i can’t shine a light bright enough.

i’m trying so hard
but
it’s never enough.