i almost cut today.
i got out my box. lifted the lid on the intruments i have missed so much.
that tin smells of blood.
i like it
i selected a scalpel handle & fitted a sharp new blade.
i spread a towel for the much anticipated blood.
i took my time finding the perfect spot.
somewhere soft & inviting.
a patch of skin eager to submit.
i sterilised my skin
sat there for hours.
i wanted to make that cut almost as much i wanted to be alive.
opening that box felt like coming home.
breathing in the aroma
feeling that scalpel in my hand
i was back where i belonged.
the thought of that first incision
the crimson emerging,
slowly sliding down my arm.
my heart is racing now at the thought
i want it.
i want blood
i want stitches
i crave it so badly that i can hardly breathe.
i nearly cut today,but i knew if i started
i wouldn’t be able to stop.
i thought about the life that might be possible
and of all the people i’d be letting down.
i thought of athena
i put that box away.